The Fourth Character...

She runs around with hair of red,

a cowboy hat upon her head.

She prefers to throw with her left,

of a human soul she is bereft.

Mossy is...

"I once caught a fish, this big..."

Jessie, the Yodeling Cowgirl is excitable, brave and very athletic, however like all redheads she is rumoured to have a volcanic temper, and obviously needs to wear a giant hat even when the weather is overcast.

Things the internet has taught us: Roles for animated gingers are few and far between, and the actresses will go to great lengths to look right for the part. In fact the transformation for Jessie was voted the 2nd most extreme of all time behind...

Charlize - Before

Charlize - After

Yeah that one was tough to beat...

Jessica - Before

Jessica - After

Actresses just love to play disturbed jail-birds, it's like Peanut M&M's to them...

The Third Character...

Hello Sports Fans, today we take a day off from revealing Toy Story characters for our 2011 theme to celebrate Ala's 30th birthday.

And I think we can all agree that he looks in marvellous shape for a 30 year old, but that's probably the wedding diet and liberal use of Mossy's various creams and unguents. But what will he look like in the future, once he's locked Mossy down and doesn't have to try quite so hard? Well via the use of extensive technology, we can now reveal the Al of the future...

"Two years...tops"

On the plus side, he has kept all of the hair on the side of his head, and all of his teeth.

Psych! That is Al's Toy Story character, he is Big Al of Big Al's Toy Barn, although perhaps you know him better from his TV commercials as...

"Chicken Man! Bock, bock, bock! He's everywhere, he's everywhere."

Al is unscrupulously obsessive, overweight, very impatient and lazy (he complains of having to "drive all the way to work on a Saturday," even though his apartment is across the street from the store.). That's Al the character, not Al the person. This is definitely going to be confusing, that's it we are calling you Chicken Man.

Things the internet has taught us: Colonel Sanders (the KFC guy) was the second most recognized public figure in the world in 1979.

In Gainesville, Georgia - the chicken capital of the world - it is illegal to eat chicken with a fork!

The closest living relative of the T-Rex is the chicken which makes the phobia 'Alektorophobia' (Fear of chickens) slightly more plausible.

According to the Guinness Book of Records the world's largest chicken egg had a diameter of 22.5 centimetres, there is no mention as to whether the chicken ever walked again. In giant baby terms, an egg of that size is the equivalent of Dela Victoria being born at 4 foot 3 and weighing 36 kilos. Yowzers!

The Second Character...

He's still in mint condition after all these years and he sported the best looking beard at last years Nationals.

Tonah is...

"Monstered"

Stinky Pete, also known as The Prospector is a portly doll, although he has lost an amazing amount of baby-weight in the past few months.

Stinky Pete never goes anywhere without his two loyal companions, canani and didani. At the end of Toy Story 2, Stinky Pete ended up in the backpack of a little girl named Amy who promised to give him a makeover, I wonder if we can find someone named Amy to give our Stinky Pete a makeover...

Things the internet has taught us: Prospectors that flocked to California in the 1840's were known as 49ers, a name that is still used by the NFL's San Francisco 49ers. Apart from discovering gold, the ladies of San Francisco also made an amazing contribution to modern society using the formula, "a 49er + 20 bucks, can turn me upside down anytime he likes"

The First Character...

He's tall, his crazy running style seems to work and he is the leader of all the other toys.

Dave Smith is...

"Structure"



Sherriff Woody was named rookie of the year in 1998 and went on to star in his own TV show, Woody's Roundup.

Woody has a pull-string at the back and each time it is pulled he delivers one of his world famous quotes, "There's a snake in my boot!...We'll work on catching next week...There's a snake in my pants...Somebody's poisoned the waterhole...I need to buy a thesaurus...Reach for the sky!"

Things the internet has taught us: There are 24 synonyms for structure; and I'm not permitted to tell you any of them...

The Blog Is Back

Stupid Channel 9 have ruined the launch of the 2011 blog. Have you seen all of those catchy ads spruiking 7 o'block? That was meant to be my advertising campaign...

One, Two, Three O'Blog, Four O'Blog, Grog!
Five, Six, Seven O'Blog, Eight O'Blog, Jog!
Nine, Ten, Eleven O'Blog, Twelve O'Blog, Fog!
We're gonna grog around the blog tonight!

The millions of dollars I wasted on that advertising campaign, all ruined because Scotty Cam is mildly dyslexic. I really should have just sponsored the team and bought everyone a gold helicopter, oh well maybe next year.

Anyhow, the blog is back, and it's not new, in fact it looks a lot like last years. And it's definitely not improved, basically because I've drunk enough in the last 12 months to kill off several million brain cells, so we'll be flat-out to use cromulent words and dodgy punctuation will embiggen the smallest sentence.

With the brilliant theme of Toy Story proposed by Loz, (the second amazing thing she's brought into the world lately, for those counting at home), the blog will kick-off by revealing everyone's character for the 2011 campaign. So starting on Monday the 27th of June, we'll be revealing one character every day, until everyone has been assigned...and when I say every day, that obviously doesn't include weekends, because those days don't count.

So come back Monday for the first character reveal. But first a quick preview to fire up your imaginations...

Potato-Head...structure...Paris Hilton's lazy eye...oooh The Claw!...there's a snake in my boot...kicking Lauren Gardiner...Stinky Pete...I definitely smell pork products of some kind...baaaaa

For god's sake KT, watch those movies, this will make a lot more sense...